On the 7th Day of Blogity: Merry Minimalist Christmas

Tis Twas the season be consumer whores, and mingle with the occasional relative who appears dimmer than a bubble ornament. As you ponder how far towards the deep end of the gene pool you are swimming, do you hold your breath or tread water? It sure helps to bring a snorkel.

Whenever I start to get too pessimistic about how ridiculous the holidays have gotten, I try to picture a winter without them. Basically, January for 4 months. Wouldn't happen though. Maybe instead of Santa, we'd have a jolly Winter Solstice Polar Bear. Either way, as a WifeMomma in America, one is bound to the role of syndicating merriment in many forms . For a couple years I embraced it, but ultimately rejected my bio-battery status in the Christmas Matrix. No red pills required, but much like the movie, freeing your mind only constitutes a nuisance to the machine. You are still very much at it's mercy, and not beyond a measure of control. As long as my kids are kids (and if they have kids that are kids), there will be a tree in our home and unbridled enthusiasm for gift giving. The tree may have no ornaments and a replica of the Death Star at the top. I don't have to explain to the boys that Santa is magic, because they already dismissed the whole thing as being illogical to begin with. However, Doug still insists we leave out cookies on Christmas Eve, so he can magically make them disappear.

Furthermore:
Wrapping paper, you're on my shitlist.
So are you, useless imported bobbles.
Hey Garden Ridge! Next time you decide to remain open 96 hours straight, I'll be there alright...at 3:30 a.m. with 20 of my closest friends to shop for $12 comforters, but we won't buy any, because they are crap. We'll have a pretend tea party with $2 snowman "latte" mugs. Then, reflect on the fact that the drink meant to go in it costs twice that much, yet somehow is worth every penny in comparison.

There, and elsewhere, I'm marveling at the "industrial powder coating" that graces the packaging of every item on the shelf, including food. Have you ever tried to see if it gives you nummies? It can't be good that I know what a nummy is, on top of the fact that yes, indeed it does.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a grinch. I like LED lights, making fudge, and buying toys for kids I know, or better yet, don't know.

5 more days of Blogity are on the way as promised, sans uber constrictive time-frame.
Don't hold your breath... I'll gladly share my snorkel.